Lifestyle, Mental Health

Checking In While I’m Checked Out

Hey, friends!

The past few weeks have been hard. Between the encroaching holidays, work picking up, starting birth control, and Depression kicking in my front door — I’m exhausted. The sort of exhaustion that’s like: I didn’t get much sleep last night. Or the night before. Or the past six weeks…but at the same time, I’ve done nothing but lay around.

This whole month of November has been so frustrating. I had loads of ideas for blog posts for this month and to schedule for Blogmas, there were outdoorsy things I wanted to do before it got too cold, it’s NaNoWriMo and I haven’t written one single word that hasn’t been a tweet, Instagram caption, or comment somewhere. So many things I wanted to do, so little inspiration.

For the first couple of weeks, I think I spent any and all free time mindlessly scrolling through social media, which obviously did not help my mind. So, for the past week, I’ve tried to stay away from it (Facebook and Twitter, primarily). I’ve spent more time on Pinterest and Instagram, soaking in inspiration and creativity while not having the motivation to execute any ideas. Then, finally, I started reading again on Thursday. I picked up a book and could finally connect with it, get lost in it. I read another book on Saturday. I’ll start another one today if I get a free minute at work.

And here I am, November 20th, writing a rambly blog post for the sake of publishing something and reaching out to you all, and proving to myself that the words are still there somewhere. I still have loads of posts to write and publish/schedule, so look forward to those. (Sneak peak? Book reviews, our weekend trip to Knoxville, holiday goodness, and a sappy “How We Met” story since Jonny and I just celebrated our first year of marriage!) 🙂

Most of the people I’ve talked to in the ~Real World~ have mentioned how slowly their days are going, their low energy, and their desire for the year to just be over–but also their excitement for cozying up and celebrating holidays. Lots of ups and downs happening, I feel. What have you all been up to the past few weeks? I’ve been keeping up on blog posts (I think), but how have you been? What’s new?

We’ll be back to regularly scheduled programing soon.

~ Kaiya


You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Goodreads. 💗
NEW: I have a Ko-fi account! I would super appreciate any donations toward
my chai lattes, Jonny’s chocolates, Ella’s cat toys, and Alfred’s crickets. 💑🐱🐸

Lifestyle, Mental Health

Kristina Cohen & Our Roles as Spectators

I don’t usually post twice in a day, but I’m incensed. So, here we go.

TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: rape, sexual assault/abuse, gaslighting, and rape culture; cancer is mentioned in the first link

Dear Spectators,

This age we live in allows for news to travel with the click of a button. This quick sharing means that the distance from a big celebrity to me isn’t that great. We’re almost live-streaming scandal at this point. Social media, digital news outlets, “outing”, and endless feminist struggles paved the way for Weinstein to finally be brought down. (Not that his downfall is complete.) And now, other sexual predators are toppling.

Yesterday, yet another rapist was outed. In case you missed it, Kristina Cohen accused Ed Westwick of raping her three years ago. As soon as the post and following articles popped up, the onslaught of total bullshit began: “Why didn’t she speak out sooner?” and “She’s making it up for money” and “[crying emoji] [heartbreak emoji]” and “Not Chuck Bass!!1!” If people weren’t tearing down Cohen, they were crying about Westwick.

I’m not going to get into blaming survivors for not speaking out or why survivors don’t give a shit about their abusers’ money. If you think rape survivors would, after years of gaslighting and trauma, finally speak out about their abuse just for money or attention — get the hell away from me and do some reading. (And don’t @ me with “It’s happened before!!” because, yeah Chadbro Lite, I get that. There are over 7 billion people on the planet. All outcomes are possible. The likelihood that someone is lying about this? Slim.)

What I do want to talk to you about, fellow spectator, is mourning the rapist.

Continue reading “Kristina Cohen & Our Roles as Spectators”

Mental Health

The Cycle of Anxiety and Depression

“Are you afraid of anxiety and depression?”

Jonny and I are sitting at our dining room table (read: our card table, decorated with a pretty white and turquoise tablecloth, located in the section of apartment designated the dining room despite its lack of room-indicating walls). We’re talking over empty plates, too full to move from the fold-able chairs to comfortable seats.

Content Warning: anxiety, depression, overcompensation

Continue reading “The Cycle of Anxiety and Depression”

Lifestyle, Mental Health

Stressed? Cry at Walmart.

Other than retrospective posts about where Jonny and I have traveled, I want to share things about my day-to-day life with you. I keep thinking about the best way to do that — where do I start? — and settling on nothing. It’s a struggle for my voice and my footing, grounding myself at a certain point and just going. So, without a well-crafted transition…

I feel like I’ve spent the past two years trying to put all of the pieces of our lives together, and that stress resulted in me having an emotional breakdown in Walmart last week.

Continue reading “Stressed? Cry at Walmart.”

Mental Health

Managing Stress & Anxiety with a Task Tracker

A Facebook friend of mine posted about her new method for handling her anxiety levels, routines, and to-do lists. Through organizing my priorities and detailing my tasks, and sorting them into a simple task tracker, I hope to turn her idea into something that helps with my own anxiety (which has been at high levels for a few weeks). It’s too easy to get caught up in all of the things I didn’t accomplish in a day, and I think tracking my tasks will help me focus on the fact that I can and do get things done.

Continue reading “Managing Stress & Anxiety with a Task Tracker”

Mental Health

Depression, Anxiety, and Handling Both

Before I get into this, please note that I am not a medical professional. My thoughts and advice come from my experiences, careful internet research, and discussions with others also suffering from/coping with anxiety and depression. This post will probably be the first of many on the subject of mental health.

I would first like to say some things that I see around a lot but cannot reiterate enough:

  • You are not alone. Many people suffer from mental health issues, and it’s okay. There are people out there who can/will/want to help you get through this. There are people out there who will listen to you, give you advice, and try to be there for you in whatever capacity you need them to.
  • There are people out there who are assholes. They’ll tell you that taking medicine makes you weak, that you’re not great to be around because you’re sad all the time; they’ll make you feel like a burden for needing help. They are wrong. Do not listen to them. (The voice at the back of your mind that says those things? Don’t listen to it, either.)
  • Your feelings (or lack of feelings if you happen to go through stages of apathy, a common sign/symptom of depression) are valid and important.
  • MEDICATIONS ARE NORMAL. GOOD. HELPFUL. NECESSARY. Having a headache? Take a painkiller. Sinus infection? Antibiotics. Feeling anxious? Take your meds. Depressed? Meds. Some people don’t need medications. Some people can get by on nature walks and spa days. Good for them. Sincerely. If you’re not one of those people, that’s okay.

I seem to see those points being made all over the internet. I scroll through Facebook a few times a day and see at least three text images with encouraging words to break the stigma around mental health. However, I rarely see the following “handy things to know” for people who are new to dealing with their poor mental health. So, I have some points to add to the discussion/awareness:

Continue reading “Depression, Anxiety, and Handling Both”