Lifestyle, Mental Health

Stressed? Cry at Walmart.

Other than retrospective posts about where Jonny and I have traveled, I want to share things about my day-to-day life with you. I keep thinking about the best way to do that — where do I start? — and settling on nothing. It’s a struggle for my voice and my footing, grounding myself at a certain point and just going. So, without a well-crafted transition…

I feel like I’ve spent the past two years trying to put all of the pieces of our lives together, and that stress resulted in me having an emotional breakdown in Walmart last week.

September – December 2015: got a job (banquet hall), got a better job (flower shop) when that one was shit, dealt with actually living at home for the first time since high school (lol), drama at the flower shop, went to England to get engaged, stopped my antidepressants while in England because I felt crazy

January – December 2016: came back home to deal with more drama at work and at home, tried new medications, applied for Jonny’s fiancé visa, finally left toxic job for a Real Career Job (advertising), waited for word on Jonny’s visa, put up with home drama, Jonny got approved for the visa, moved out into an apartment completely on my own for the first time (no roommates), waited for Jonny to move to the country, felt up up UP because things were looking good!, Jonny moved to the country!, spent 5 days in Denver as a “pre-honeymoon”, had a little court wedding to finalize visa details, more visa paperwork to apply for Jonny’s permanent residency, more waiting, added Jonny to health and dental insurance, paychecks decreased to accommodate bigger grocery bills and insurance fees

January – August 2017: promotion and more money!, but raise didn’t start until March, credit card bill was piling up, multiple dentist visits for both of us, Jonny’s parents came to visit for 3 weeks (<3), they stayed in our one-bedroom apartment and it was honestly a great time, we all went camping, Jonny was granted permanent!!!, we got a new car so we finally had two!, but more bills, surprise bill from the dentist, we went to concerts, we went to Columbus for a couple of days, Jonny got his “permission to work” card so he could finally start applying for jobs; I’ve been driving 38 miles each way for work and spending almost $200 on gas a month, we go out to eat too much, another surprise dentist bill, credit card bill, I’ll have to start paying student loans soon, Jonny needs inhaler refills, we both needed physicals

Last week: We had our physicals and blood work done last Wednesday. The doctor appointments had gone fine, the new insurance through my Real Career Job seemed to be working, but then we went to pick up Jonny’s inhalers the next day… Guys. Fuck the U.S. healthcare system, I swear to god. They told me we couldn’t pick up his inhalers because my insurance card wasn’t the right card. Um? Health insurance should be tied to prescriptions, right? Apparently there is a separate card for prescriptions. How many fucking cards do I need to have? Anyway, it was a little thing on the tip of the fucking shit heap of anxiety, so I broke down and cried in an aisle of multivitamins and shit, resisted the urge to throw whatever I could get my hands on. Two years of trying to get things to work (live in the same country, work and play, have a life), only for us to need a prescription card to pick up Jonny’s inhalers.

Tl;dr: I am the sole provider for a household of two (and a half): myself, Jonny, and our cat, Ella. I work in advertising, nine-to-five, Monday through Friday. I make enough money for our one bedroom apartment, our bills, our groceries, and gas to get me to and from work every day. And we’ve done a bunch of fun things since Jonny moved here in October; we got married!, we went to Denver, we’ve gone camping, we’ve gone to concerts, we went to Columbus… But I am about $60k in student debt and will have to start paying that back soon, and I’m $3k in credit card debt from trying to make up for lost time with Jonny. (Long distance relationships are fucking hard, by the way.) All extra fun activities are paused until I pay off my credit card. Oh, and we’re trying to plan a “real” wedding for August 2018, where his family and friends will come from the U.K. and meet my family and friends from the U.S.

So, that’s me. That’s the current state of affairs. I’m broke and anxious, but I’m having the time of my life living with my favorite person.

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Want to wail with me about student loans and the stupid healthcare system in the U.S., work-life balance, commuting, anxiety, toxic job/home environments, and/or wedding planning?

3 thoughts on “Stressed? Cry at Walmart.”

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